Am I or are the others crazy? - Albert Einstein
Due to the stress I've been under lately, I've decided to get back into therapy. It took a month for me to actually make the appointment. Rationally, I know I need it, but emotionally I'm afraid. I didn't really commit to my last bout; this time, I'm going to dedicate myself to the process. I've got a lot of issues to work through, so it's about time I get started.
My next step in the process is to get my lazy ass back in the gym. I haven't exploded out of my pants... yet. I'm not really concerned with how I look, but I'm sure my lack of activity has a lot to do with how I feel. And it probably has a lot to do with my inability to get a good night's sleep.
Step three is cutting back on the alcohol. My new therapist pointed out the obvious- I'm depressed; alcohol is a depressant; therefore, consuming alcohol does not help the situation. I've been using alcohol to help numb the pain, but it stopped working a long time ago. I drank way too much Saturday (have an excuse- I was "celebrating") but haven't had a drink since then.
I can't exactly call them baby steps because they're kind of major, but one step at a time until I get my head on straight.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Is that a train coming?
This year has not been kind to me so far. It's almost as if the light at the end of that tunnel is the express train to hell.
The second week of January saw a snowstorm in Atlanta. I was snowbound for two days (although I did make the crackhead decision to try to go to work on the first day; when my car couldn't get out of the neighborhood, I realized I was about stupid, skidded into a parking spot, and trudged home). Those two days really put me off my game.
I dropped the ball on a project, and despite the fact that I picked it back up, I was soundly berated. In a scathing email, I was called incompetent and a condescending know-it-all. That hurt, casting a shadow on the other two major projects I was handling. And even though all of those events are done (and considered successes by most), repercussions still dog me.
The world around me feels weighted, as if clogged with the poisonous thoughts of my detractors. While I hope they are few (because I do know in my heart, I do a good job) I can't help but focus on the negativity. I haven't had a restful night's sleep so far this year; my jaw is almost always clenched; and the knots in my shoulder feel as if they'll never go away. This year is only five weeks old, and I already need a vacation.
The second week of January saw a snowstorm in Atlanta. I was snowbound for two days (although I did make the crackhead decision to try to go to work on the first day; when my car couldn't get out of the neighborhood, I realized I was about stupid, skidded into a parking spot, and trudged home). Those two days really put me off my game.
I dropped the ball on a project, and despite the fact that I picked it back up, I was soundly berated. In a scathing email, I was called incompetent and a condescending know-it-all. That hurt, casting a shadow on the other two major projects I was handling. And even though all of those events are done (and considered successes by most), repercussions still dog me.
The world around me feels weighted, as if clogged with the poisonous thoughts of my detractors. While I hope they are few (because I do know in my heart, I do a good job) I can't help but focus on the negativity. I haven't had a restful night's sleep so far this year; my jaw is almost always clenched; and the knots in my shoulder feel as if they'll never go away. This year is only five weeks old, and I already need a vacation.
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