Addictions Unveiled

I am a self-proclaimed reading junkie. I inhale books the way a coke fiend would snort lines. I visit the nearest branch of our city's library system at least once or twice a month. If I've got a lot going on, I'll walk out with two or three books. If I've got time on my hands, I'll borrow at least five. This evening I walked out with four books, despite the fact that I've got two at home I'm in the midst of reading.

My reading material says volumes (pardon the pun) about my mental state. Book One that I'm reading is The Killer's Wife by Bill Floyd. This wonderful novel details the struggle of a woman whose ex-husband (and the father of her child) is a psychotic serial killer. Despite her best efforts to move on with her life, the past catches up with her, in the form of another round of murders eeriely similar to those of her former husband, currently on death row. My major in college was Psychology, and my thesis was about the psychological similarities among serial killers. It's almost terrifying to realize how much these men (because they are predominately white males) seem to have in common.

The other book I'm reading is Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. I can only describe this book as elegiac. The narration alternates between a teenage girl who committed suicide, and boy who received cassette tapes from her in the mail, after her death, telling the stories of thirteen people who contributed in some way to her decision to end her life. This story touches the rawest emotions of anyone who has felt as if there was no reason to continue to live. How even the smallest act of cruelty can snowball into feelings of utter worthlessness. I've struggled with major depression for nearly 20 years. Medication can help take the edge off, but the pain never really goes away. It's a daily struggle that sometimes feels pointless.

My selections today run the gamut of chick-lit (Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger) to suspense/romance (the wonderful Nora Roberts). In between new finds, I'll find comfort in my favorites... the sardonic Jen Lancaster (her humor will get me through), the masterful CS Lewis (when I need an appropriate allegory), the inspiring Robin McKinley (who created the most touching heroines for a teenage girl). Most certainly I will polish off this batch within the next two weeks, and will have to sneak back to my dealer for another fix.

If you are curious to see what else my twisted mind would like to feast upon, feel free to visit www.goodreads.com and become a friend of mine.

Fun for the Holidays

Usually the fourth quarter is my favorite time. It begins with my birthday, continues through Halloween and Thanksgiving, then peaks at Christmas and New Year's Eve. This year, however, has sucked.

I celebrated my birthday by learning that I would be losing my job. Thanks, boss! All I really wanted was to be taken out to lunch. The week following my birthday was basically one long panic attack, since my employment status was up in the air. When was the ax was going to fall... the end of the month? The end of next month? The end of the year?

Word came down mid-November that my position would be eliminated at the end of the year. Thanksgiving was celebrated with interrogations from my mother.

Mom: Are you looking for a job?
Me: Yes, Mom. I've posted my resume on Monster and CareerBuilder, I'm searching the company site for openings within my field, and I've given my resume to several job placement agencies in the city.

Mom: What about the classified ads?
Me: I don't get the paper, Mom, but the paper's site is linked to CareerBuilder.

Mom: Don't rule out entry level positions.
Me: I'm not there yet, Mom.

Mom: What does that mean?
Me: It means I'm trying to find something within my field first.

Mom: Beggars can't be choosers.
Me: I know, Mom.

Mom: What are you going to do about health insurance? You've got a pre-existing condition.
Me: I'm looking into options, Mom.

Mom: You need insurance.
Me: I know, Mom.

Mom: How many glasses of wine have you had?
Me: Not nearly enough, Mom.

Christmas followed pretty much the same pattern as Thanksgiving, although with more alcohol on my part.

Mom: Are you still looking for a job?
Me: Yes, Mom. I've had several phone interviews and an in-person interview in BHM.

Mom: Have you been offered a position?
Me: Not yet, Mom.

Mom: Have you applied for any retail positions?
Me: Not yet, Mom. I still have a full-time job until the end of the year.

Mom: Don't wait until the last minute.
Me: I won't, Mom.

Mom: What about your health insurance?
Me: I'll get information about COBRA with my separation agreement.

Mom: You need the coverage for your prescriptions.
Me: I know, Mom.

Dad: Need another glass of wine, Jenn?
Mom: Isn't it a little early to be drinking? It's not even noon yet.
Me: Another glass would be great, Dad.

New Year's Eve will be celebrated by toasting the official end of my employment. At least I won't be expected to visit the family for that occassion. I don't think there's enough alcohol in the state. Happy New Year, my ass.

Let the Fun Begin...

I figure since I'm going to have nothing but time on my hands in a few short days, I'll need an outlet, other working out and job hunting. Because honestly, I'm not going to spend more than 2 hours a day at the gym and, in this economy, a good day of job hunting will probably just as long. Unless I decide to canvass the mall for available retail positions. And since the mall gives me hives, that's probably not going to happen right now.