Asphyxia

Sometimes I feel as if I can't breathe. I reach for a lifeline, but there's nothing there to hold onto. I don't know what's up, what's down. There's a faint light that offers the hope for survival. I have almost no control anymore. It would be so easy to stop fighting against the inevitable, to surrender to that sweet oblivion; yet for some unknown reason, I continue to struggle. Maybe for the faint hope that I can actually reach that fading light.

A Hallmark Moment

I try not to procrastinate, but I have lately. Mother's Day is Sunday, and I just bought her card today. Part of my recent therapy has been addressing a lot of my emotions regarding my relationship with my mother (no snickering about the stereotype here; after all, don't most women have a love/hate relationship with their mothers). Anyway-- I'm at the Hallmark store, standing at the vast display of Mother's Day cards, when a kindly saleswoman asks if she can offer any assistance. I tell her that I doubt Hallmark has something that truly fits the sentiment I'd like to offer. She persists, assuring me that she's helped others find something with just the right words. So.... I ask if she has something along the lines of "I know we aren't talking right now, but my therapist said I should make an effort, so here..."

I was correct in my assumption; although I did find a good one. The inscription "don't you wish there was a return policy? Love, me"

For the love of Beau

I love my dog... a lot. I love my dog more than I love the first pet I ever had myself. In my defense, Isis was a very aloof Persian mix; my purpose in her eyes was to provide litter and food. As she aged, I had no issues with catering to her every whim, but I wanted a more affectionate pet. I adopted Beau almost a year before Isis passed away. He is my heart; (almost) everything he does puts a smile on my face. Beau loves to snuggle and cuddle and be petted. He's calm and well-behaved and obedient. He has his flaws- he snores, freaks out during storms, and rolls in anything dead and/or smelly that he can find. I've since added another cat, Reba, to the family; and while she's a GREAT cat, and I try not to show it, Beau is kind of my favorite.

As he's aged, he's put on some weight, and I've tried to make changes to make sure that gain doesn't shorten his lifespan. I changed his kibble to Beneful Healthy Weight, which led to a very small weight loss. I cut the quantity, which did no good. I reduced, then ultimately eliminated, almost all of his treats, replacing them with carrots. Despite those changes, he didn't make great improvements. I switched his kibble from Beneful to Iams, hoping a higher quality food might make a difference. Lately, though, he's been off his food. So what do I do? I encourage him to play with his food. I started by stuffing his morning kibble in his Kong. BINGO! But...his Kong isn't large enough for an entire serving, and I'm too lazy to stuff it 3 times per meal. So what do I do? I buy a larger treat toy. What's the problem now? He took his toy (and his food) upstairs... to the bedroom... up the puppy steps into the bed... but at least he didn't take it under the covers... yet.